Saturday, June 11, 2011


My clinic assistant followed me inside my cabin,waited till I settled down and blurted out,-"You know what,Gee, your patient ,is no more".
Me--Are you serious,THE chanchal Gee!Why,HOW?Wait a minute,wasn't she scheduled to be in today!?"
ASST.-"That is how we came to know.We called her up,and her sister Ell gave us the news."They don't know whether it was suicide or murder.

     Gee's mother worked as domestic help for me years back,that's how I knew them.Gee and her sister Ell tagged along with the mother daily.Gee,a naughty 12 year old,was a complete contrast to her sister Ell.Since I  was very strict about not engaging minors' help and they had nowhere to go,both would spend time with Cookie my daughter while their mother finished her chores. Ell would sit quietly in her place and Gee would be a handful to contain in one place."Didi bore ho rahi hoon,please aaj jhaadu kar doon"? she would ask knowing fully well that I would refuse.Then she would sneak into the kitchen to ask her mother if she could help..or if nothing else she would just explore around asking thousand questions.She was naughty,smart,intelligent,very aware,jugaadu,and above all eager to learn.She was a positive person certainly not the kind who would commit suicide.

I shifted and lost touch with them for years till she surfaced one day at my clinic.She was a smartly dressed woman ,a trained beautician,was married and a mother too.S he came for her regular check-ups and treatments off and on and continuously jabbered .I was used to switching off in the middle of her monologues..Now I regret,feel guilty..what if I could have had a clue about what she was going through...did she hint anytime,and I missed...
No point in reliving the past ,I know ..

   Her  in-Laws said it was self immolation in a fit of rage over some  petty issue between husband and wife but the parents insisted that the husband set her on fire after the bitter fight.She got tired of giving him minute by minute account of her whereabouts and a bitter fight ensued leading to the tragedy.The husband too sustained burns in the scuffle  and passed away a week later.Their only son,a 5 year old was scarred for life,not physical but the deeper kind...the invisible emotional scars.
Till the parents were alive, both set of grandparents vied  for the child's attention,and now suddenly he is yearning  for theirs.No one wants a lifetime liability...poverty does that to people I guess.I wonder about the child though,
-will he blame his parents to have left him in this situation, to face the whole world..
-will he be bitter in life and think of his parents as selfish,reckless individuals..
-will he be exploited in any way by relatives under the guise of  support...
-will he always wonder as to what was his fault in the whole situation,right from the decision of his parents to bring him into this world till the time they suddenly decided to leave him alone...

So what is it that drives people to be so reckless in their actions? .What is that last thought that pushes people off the edge--when nothing else matters BUT that decision to end- all.?Do people who survive that moment,repent ...

Lots of questions,scores of explanations in the medical science but no inroads into the mind of the person standing at the who can see nothing beyond NOTHINGNESS.


  1. Touching story.
    I have no answers to the questions you have posed.

  2. GV I saw that girl transform into a woman and then reduce to ashes..sad how small things become big enough for someone to end all:(



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