Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Wanna Run - A new year resolution!

                                                 courtesy,Google images

Hey!New born year..
Hello!Sunny Sun..Listen!
I just wanna Run!

Aches and pains, please surrender..
From darkness till dawn,
I just wanna Run!

Empty ,hollow promises..
Remember,we are done!
I just wanna Run!

Feet,take me far..
With My Mind,here I come,
I just wanna Run!

Till I feel the flush on my cheeks
and a rush in my veins..
I just wanna Run!

Thoughts ,pack your bags..
Ideas,please be fun..
I just wanna Run!

Dear Haruki Murakami,
--thanks a ton!
2013 marathon, I won't chicken..( Half marathon please :0)
I just wanna Run..and I will Run !!

 :D:D New year promise by a lazy-bone to herself :D:D

Monday, December 26, 2011


The Pain...
creeps in..unseen,
ebbs and flows in my veins..

The Pain..
like a stab in my chest
grips my being,
swells... and scales the crest..

I know not its pith,
nor can see it coming,
yet,it seizes with a vise so tight,
it's oh so vexing to unhitch.

Nest not ,the mind said
but the heart delves deep..
deeper into the labyrinth,
where the ache is staid

Friday, December 23, 2011

Wake up kid !

Disclaimer-This post does not talk about creating awareness of any kind in the minds of kids .It also says nothing about real awakening of any sort.It is only about the very mundane aspect of leaving the bed at an unearthly our to go to school every single day for at least fourteen years of your life.Any coincidence of any kind is purely not unintentional because that is how all kids are, or so I am told ( by my kids ).

Life has been difficult in my case with Cookie leaving her teens a few days back and Muffin entering his teens at almost the same time.Parenting teens can be a daunting task and I have poured about my times with teens here before.No credit points to myself for keeping a gap of seven years between kids.What was I thinking if at all I was!!By the time I am through with their teen age , I will be on the threshold of my old age .

I love all kids....
I love kids if they are mine...
I love kids more if they are sleeping...
I do not feel the same when I have to wake up kids..

Things are more complicated for me because I keep late nights ,reading,studying , writing or gossiping with Hobbs ( men do gossip and whoever says they do not, is lying ) So the sleep time is flexi but wake up time has to be precise or else things come to a standstill .Alarms are a must for for people like me who are not born with a functional built in body-clock-cum-alarm.Hobbs is gifted that way but he does not like sharing his gifts so I have to heavily depend on external alarms.To help us cope with everything in-time,all the other clocks are deliberately adjusted ahead of time.This is the only way to manage time .
                                                courtesy-Google images                      
The sequence of events for me ,first alarm---->;snooze---->; Blackberry-ping to the kids------>; second alarm----->;leave the bed----->;stumble down to kids bedroom---->;shut the ac , put on the lights ---->;hug and kiss sleeping beauties.
The sequence of events for kids ,ignore ping from mom--->;pull sheets closer---->;tuck in tight to cover all body parts especially the cheeks to avoid early morning wet kiss from mom--->;make enough room for mom to hug without making it obvious.A warm hug is welcome but a kiss is not.Since I like to follow my heart, I steal the moment (plus, it works as a daily dose of energizer for me :p).

Pinging merely conditions their subconscious mind and prepares them for the sequence of events but does nothing to the actual process of waking them up.Actual process starts with the next phase of action which I call 'shake up kids'.This starts as a gentle nudge and ends at that on most days .Since cookie is in college and considers bunking as her birthright ,nudging may not be enough when she has intentions of bunking.On such days what I hear is a feeble mumble "there is nothing important today and plus I am not well mom!!"  A mother has to be extremely quick with her next POA and in such situations it demands remove covers, forehead-check,neck-check (for fever),and declare " you are fit to resume duties" .A forced feeble groan escapes followed by lot of sighs...but all are to be ignored.

After the sickness issue is resolved you see cute index fingers raised to plead for "just oneeee more minute mom ,promise, laaasst ..'' I have to kill my soft motherly instincts at this point to avoid raising uneducated kids.My tone changes steadily in sharpness and pitch as I call out their names alternately.I am so bloody habituated to this routine that I sometimes do this on Sundays and holidays too.Thankfully no one is up early on those days so it is still a secret well kept.

Earlier when they were younger ,I had this additional job of knocking on the bathroom doors every five minutes  to make sure they were doing what they were supposed to do inside a bathroom.They used to keep the water running in the bath while they caught a few extra winks sitting on the pot :D:D.That phase is over and done with now .Small mercies!!

Once they are dressed and ready you feel like borrowing their energy and enthusiasm from them.Leaving behind a trail of things,they are out of the house in a jiffy.I walk behind and wait till the lift door shuts noisily.I make myself a cuppa chai and settle down for some uninterrupted me-time at leisure with the morning papers.Another day beckons...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Do I need religion in my life ?

I have blogged before about my inability to meditate.After yet another foiled attempt,I questioned myself-why am I coming back to it again and again?Is it the fear of defeat-that, this is something,I can not do and others can?Do I care if people ridicule me on my failure while they gloat over how divine the experience was?
I just want to experience how it feels..once! What does meditation achieve? Peace of mind is the answer most commonly given by successful ( in meditating) people.Hmm..then what ?I have two experiences while in the process of meditation-
1.sudden rush of hitherto non existent ideas and list of things to be done at once and the strongest urge to leave and take charge,or
2. go to sleep.
Former is most definitely not anywhere close to peace of mind and if by any chance someone says that the second reaction is closer to the feeling of being at peace..then I am sorry I beg to differ.A state of inactivity called peace of mind is not what I am looking for.

While my mind was in a state of unrest and I was scanning my sources for answers,I chanced upon a couple of lines staring at me in the airport bookshop.It was Khushwant singh .I have read and re-read most of the uninhibited ,passionate works of both Khushwant singh and Amrita Pritam. To say ,I love them, would be an understatement. The book was promptly picked up and surprise, was on God and religion..another field that intrigues me.Coming back to the lines, the author beautifully put forth that if meditation was necessary for peace of mind,why was a calm mind necessary in the first place?All the inventions and discoveries are a result of very agitated minds.Creative,artistic thinking minds are restless.
True that,and I second that!

I am never convinced that one should look for answers within.What answers ,pray?!What truth?Of why and how was I born??How..I know ,science taught me and I am convinced.Why....I do not care.I was born,I am alive,I believe in the abundance of nature and my role in it and most importantly..I need to work and contribute in my little or big way towards working of this intertwined thread called life.Period. Through this journey,I shall not believe in what texts (religious or otherwise) say .I shall trust my eyes,ears and experiences to form my own constitution which shall abide by the constitution of the place I live in, at any particular time.I may be born a Hindu but that will not be the backbone of my existence.I do not need any religion to live.All religions have beliefs which constrict my view.I do not like confinement.If I say I believe,I am admitting to a doubt lurking under the surface.I want to only trust....myself.
Osho says,religions have done utmost disservice to humanity by confining believers to a system of this is right and all else is wrong and by suppressing his instinct to explore on his own and find out by himself.(Read a wonderful post on right and wrong by the blunt blogger here) Osho explains by giving a beautiful example of a plastic flower and a real flower.Plastic flower is belief-manufactured,does not take birth or die,does not grow or change.If you do not want it ,you have to destroy it.Trust is real flower,born,nurtured,grows ,evolves and is existential in its being.
  Freud saw religion as 'a universal obsessional neurosis' ,Ellis viewed it as equivalent to irrational thinking and emotional disturbance.
To many,these philosophers may seem extreme in their thinking but to me they make sense because,philosophy and science are based on logic ,experiments,their conclusions and facts and most importantly,they are constantly being challenged ,questioned and hence they EVOLVE.Religion on the other hand is stagnant,based on something that was relevant and moral then, at that time when the texts were written. Who questions religion,who challenges? My mom taught me drinking was immoral and my mind was accordingly conditioned.If my daughter takes a sip,does that make her immoral? Is being gay,immoral,as was once thought? While the aspect of morality has been questioned,over a period of time,religious beliefs have remained largely unquestioned.Fanaticism of the religious kind has led to wars not atheism.
I do not want to subscribe to something that does not evolve and change according to time.If religion is needed to keep the society in check,to tell them what is right and wrong,then universal laws are good enough to do the job.We have evolved and have the empathy to understand what will bring harm to another human being or society ,so why do we need fear of religion?If you do this,God will punish you or you will rot in hell! Why should I live in fear? Fear is not liberating!The thought of doing no harm to anyone  is!! I could never subscribe to the fear psychosis associated with God and religion.I am sure we have all observed that the most devout are those who sin the most.Charity to humanity is a yes,to places of worship -a big NO.

When in doubt,I just need to put myself in the position of the other person and I am sorted,well mostly!That almost sums it up for me.I am human,I err,but I am free to question and learn.No religion can teach me  peace.I am at peace :))


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