Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Prisoners of the mind- Part II

This is part ii of the series .Readers are requested to read part i before this to understand the story better.

They kept him sedated for the night. Namit woke up late in the morning with a splitting headache and a vacuum in  the pit of his stomach.Mom! he called out feebly,holding on to his head.Two arms supported him as he struggled to get up from his bed.Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked to see strangers around in an alien world.Then it all came back to him ...the events of last night. He still could not fathom why his mom did this to him.She who was his world, she who slipped him little 'I love you' notes in his school lunch box.She who was his constant companion,friend,guide and pillar of support. She was the only one who he could discuss all his future plans with.How could she let the others know about his future plans? How could she betray his  trust?How could she do this?Did dad know?Of course he did not!

He gazed around to search for his phone and realized that he was in hospital garb and his bed side was devoid of anything he could all his own.Nothing ,except his body and soul was his own and now he had a serious,nagging doubt about that too.How bad was he? What did he do?He could not answer his own questions but if he was here,surely he must have managed to do something at home !The doctors were on their morning rounds.They approached his bed and he lay down quietly for them to complete the physical examination.He heard them talk about some tests to be run and few samples to be collected. Substance abuse also cropped up in their discussions. He decided to have a talk with the senior doctor to seek answers to his questions.

Shagun stepped out of the shower and popped a painkiller to ease her body ache.She sat down to gather her drained strength .She closed her eyes only to see a dark tunnel with no  light at the other end.Doctors she spoke with on the phone,were optimistic about the treatment but non- committal about the outcome.So does that mean,they were going to grope in the dark while Namit was inside ? She looked at the clock and hurried with the breakfast and lunch before she left for the hospital. They wanted her consent for something she was told.

At the stroke of eleven,the ward boy told Namit that his mom was in the visitors lounge .Namit tripped on his own feet to meet the most loved person in his life and then stopped suddenly in his tracks. His mind started racing and his emotions surging with a new found intensity.He thought of just going and hugging her close.He always felt secure in her arms. This was different situation altogether,he had to find an answer..what was it that pushed her into taking such a drastic step?Tell her to go away ...he heard a voice say..he barely recognised the voice as his own.Ward boy came back with a bag of clothes,some essentials and a big lunch box--the one that he carried to school. He knew that the note was there inside and he never had longed to see that as much as he did now. He turned his back towards the door and cried himself to sleep.

Shagun sat till evening and came back.She knew he will come around eventually and she was ready to wait.Each day she came with his favorite food which was shared by the staff and other patients at the end of the day.Namit did not touch the box...it was not the food that interested him...it was the notes.A young girl slipped them under his bed every day without a word.She was the young counselor as he came to know much later .Fourth day,Shagun decided to take the first step in her son's direction.She observed his movements that day and knew that the moment had come.Her determination,her self confidence flew out of the window as the moment approached.Her heart pounding furiously,she tried smiling as she saw Namit approach her bench.

He looked pale and tired.His gait was slow and unsure.His eyes were red , his hair was cropped and he had lost weight .She wanted to hold his hand and take him far away.She can manage surely,as she had done till now.At least HE will be happy in that situation.She knew the heavy medication will cause further side effects like wobbling of feet,tremors in extremities and general blunting of  reflexes.She brushed aside the thoughts as she remembered last month's events.Mania, suicidal tendencies,danger of harming oneself..and the pressing need for rehabilitation in such a situation.She closed her eyes momentarily to clear the thoughts and take charge of her emotions.

Namit walked slowly towards Shagun after hesitating for a minute,sat down beside his mom at some distance.Shagun closed the distance and held him close .Mother and son sat there for a long time silently.Then he asked for food.I have not eaten he said....They may have been feeding my body through these tubes but I am hungry ma ...very hungry ...and suddenly the cloud burst....drenching the two in the process and washing away all traces of anger ,hurt and doubt.




Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Some more footprints in the sand.....

He was always in a hurry...
  As the cold waiting room grew colder,minutes turned into hours and the wait never ending..
It was fear that made the cold environs of of the narrow corridor at Nanavati hospital 'bone-chilling' cold as we later realized. Our trembling hands found each other for comfort,hearts thumping as my brother in law was wheeled into the ICCU. Having spent years in and around the hospitals,and having a family owned nursing home, didn't make the place seem less intimidating .

Almost everyone avoided eye contact as we saw a dignified cardiac physician,my brother in law,eldest of the three brothers ,break down completely as other doctors took charge.
As the wait grew longer,my niece and nephew,both doctors in making took turns in going in and out of the cath lab.Vee the wife was almost in denial of the worsening situation as she completely  trusted the family of doctors,and the medical science in general.She and her husband were the only non medicos in the family.How could anything go wrong with the best and timely medical help available?...

Bad news..my husband's bbm flashed on my screen and in an instant I rushed towards the OT after I slipped Vee's hand into my niece's.I saw the two brothers emerge out with slumped shoulders shaking their heads still trying to absorb the fact they just lost their brother to massive cardiac arrest
Did you tell Vee? they asked.It was as if someone had suddenly kept tons of weight on my chest.I had never done this before,how will I do this..she will be looking up into my eyes with hope...

"We lost him" the rest of the words just tumbled out,incoherent... . they tried,be strong,there was no hope,sorry,it was massive,and I said -he didn't give us time..I actually said that.He was known in the family as one who did not have time.He  was always in a hurry!


We sat huddled together as emotions took over and as the news was sinking in,came the tough task of informing. How does one inform two, young children that while they trustingly slept peacefully at home,we lost their father. .How does one inform aged parents that they lost their young son ..How does one choose words to be able to break it as softly as possible?

Vee suddenly got up and said she wanted to see him.The walk to the bed was the longest ever.
 Assa ..Assa ..pahaayecha ..(Do I have to see him like this?) and she slumped like a heap quietly.. She got up again to stare at the calm and serene  face .It was peaceful  but white face of death ...and she slowly moved away. Bass.. just like that ...gone ,without a word?You think I should have stayed inside with him?,She asked.
We saw him being wheeled out slowly to the morgue. Did he feel our presence as we said good bye to him one last time?There was hesitation ..How could you go home leaving him alone with strangers in the cold morgue?Will he feel betrayed?
Practicalities rule our lives and this was no exception as we drove home in deafening silence.Vee glanced at her sleeping kids and decided she would let them sleep this night in peace and tell them in the morning . Tears welled up every now and then and as the darkness grew thick and the silence thicker,she talked about him,her life.. she kept on talking through the night ,non-stop and we listened till dawn broke with another day...
Life would be different now..

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